Our Sex Life Has a Traffic-Light System

"Yes" sounds simple until two people have to make sure it is real. Their playful traffic-light system turns everyday check-ins into a safer, more honest kind of desire. I wanted to take a minute to be serious and discuss what healthy communication looks like between my partner and me. However, the partner I would like to discuss is my roommate, not a romantic partner.

My roommate is on the Lovense Remote app as well. We both have many connections and can be found playing on the app for hours a day. It can be difficult, and even awkward, to find time to play when you are sharing a room with someone.

After a few accidental walk-ins, overheard sessions, and ruined Os, it was finally time we sat down and had the conversation. We needed to establish some guidelines and boundaries so that we could both enjoy our shared physical and virtual spaces in a safe, healthy, and mutually respectful way.

After careful consideration, we developed what we now refer to as the “Stoplight Method.”

Most of you have probably heard of this method before, but ours has a little… twist.

To eliminate ambiguity, we implemented a visual communication system by hanging an actual stoplight in the hallway above our door. That way, when one of us comes home, we immediately know the other’s current play status.

Plus, it is hilarious when we bring someone home and they open the door and see the stoplight before that big red race car bed.

We both have a little switch hooked up to our bedpost so we can easily change the status, even with a toy in hand.

No Light = Safe to Come Into the Room
No play is currently taking place. The room may be entered without prior authorization. The boys and the toys are not in action at the moment.

It’s rare for the light not to be on, but when it’s not, you know there is no chance of walking into the splash zone.

Green Light = I Am Playing, But Come On In!
The green light indicates active play with an open-door policy! This light could also indicate that participation is invited or even encouraged at this point.

Think of it as: I am in a vulnerable spot right now, but you are more than welcome to enjoy this time with me.
I always inform my current playmate that my roommate could be home at any moment so that there is consent all around. Consent is hot.

Yellow Light = Message Me on the Lovense Remote App if You Need to Come In
The yellow light indicates active play with conditional access.

When the yellow light is on, it means that play is underway, but your presence is not necessarily welcome. This could be due to one of us being in an intense session and wanting to experience the moment privately. It could be that we are so close we don’t want to lose focus and have to ramp back up again. Or it could just mean that we are having intentional personal time alone with no connection, and it’s simply what we mentally need in that moment.

It isn’t necessarily a rule that you cannot enter. It just means you should ask first.

Red Light = DO NOT ENTER
The red light is probably the rarest status on the stoplight. This mode is almost never used. But I know that when this light is on, you do not message, do not bother, and whatever you do, DO NOT ENTER.

The red light indicates a complete suspension of roommate access.

When this mode is on, I know there is some pretty intense play taking place. For me, it’s probably a session with a lot of heavy crying. For him, it’s generally a crazy Dom session. I need to respect his space and allow him to focus. I also need to be ready with some good aftercare when he is finished.

I always make sure to have cherry Pepsi and fresh, hot pizza rolls.

This method has helped us more effectively communicate our individual needs around this space, the Lovense community, and how we bring play into our lives. More importantly, it has ultimately strengthened our relationship.

I hope everyone can find a way to communicate as effectively as we have.