From Strangers to Lovers After Marriage

They met through an arranged marriage and barely knew each other. Years later, they are still learning how trust, awkward first steps, and shared rituals can turn a stranger into a partner.

Some of you may remember that my hubby and I were hitched in an arranged marriage planned by both of our families. I had never met or dated my husband until about a month before our wedding.

I was still 20 and green in life then. Still a junior in college (during Covid lockdown and remote classes, which allowed me to return to 🇲🇾 for a few months). Hubby was 28 and quite a mature man with a decent career. But because I was a rather wayward, therapy-driven girl at the time, my parents sort of fast-tracked our union by two years.

When we started our married life, I was the more experienced intimate partner. Hubby was still a virgin (and before you make fun of him, please remember that unmarried Muslim men and women are expected to stay pure). That meant he had saved himself for me. I had not.

A few weeks before our wedding day, I decided to tell him all about my history of trauma and my subsequent un-Muslim-like behaviour in college (including toys such as the wand vibrator). I was not compelled to do so, by any means, but if we wanted to start a life together, I felt that all my skeletons had to be laid bare.

I was already expecting him to reject me and cancel the wedding. The fact that he didn’t, and that we actually got married, still surprises me sometimes..... ❤️

Of course, our wedding night and the first few nights that followed weren’t the hot, steamy nights of gay abandon most of you are vividly picturing in your 🧠. In fact, it took a bit of time before we actually started to, you know, consummate our marriage.

Despite my, err, supposedly superior experience, I understood that my husband needed to be allowed to take the lead with me. So I let him explore me in detail, with his methodical way of working through something new.

There were a lot of trial and error, failures to launch, and an inability to finish. But that’s just part of learning about each other’s anatomical and emotional triggers. Eventually, we found a good rhythm for ourselves, and even found various ways to keep things fresh over the following six years (and hopefully for all eternity).

We now have our own unspoken “signatures” to indicate our readiness for intimacy. We built trust, improved compassion, and stayed committed to each other. We tackle our challenges and complexities together. That includes kids and his frequent travels.

His frequent travels also taught us that intimacy does not have to disappear when we are in different places. On nights when words felt clumsy, using a Lovense toy gave us a small, private way to check in, tease each other, and feel connected without pretending the distance was not there.

Imperfect as I still am, I am very glad to have the most perfect man I could have hoped for, guiding me through life......